two girls in the dark looking at tablet screen | nexttalk

We are proud to share this guest postal service about open communication and digital parenting by Mandy Majors, founder of nextTalk.

1 morning as nosotros were getting ready for school, my daughter asked a question I wasn't prepared for. It was highly sexualized. This was not a "where practise babies come from" question. I didn't know this "thing" existed until I was a nineteen-year-sometime higher educatee. She was NINE!

I discovered another child had watched a sexual video at home and shared the graphic details at schoolhouse. My quaternary grader had been exposed to pornography.

I thought we had been responsible parents by not giving her a telephone. We tried to protect her, simply information technology didn't keep her safe from online dangers.

That was the moment I realized parenting had changed. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Why practice kids have to grow up so fast?

nextTalk: A Mission to Help Parents

That was eight years ago, and I've been on a mission to keep kids safe ever since. I've written two books, started a nonprofit (nextTalk.org), spoken to thousands across seven states, written and produced a ix-week video study and co-host a podcast with 100,000+ listeners in lx+ countries. Near importantly, I've realized that when my kids were piffling, I could've been doing more to gear up them for what was ahead. I don't want other parents to miss this similar I did.

When I first started this journey, I needed to identify the new trouble nosotros face up. Nosotros know that engineering science is impacting our kids, merely what does that really hateful? At that place are things like social media, apps, screen addiction and sharing nudes; we're the first generation of parents to tackle these new challenges. In that location are also issues that have been around for years, but engineering science has changed them . . . like bullying, strangers, and pornography.

As I sought to detect a solution to this overwhelming problem, I knew bubble wrapping (not allowing engineering) failed because my child was still exposed. I also discovered that near monitoring products and parental restrictions had loopholes.

I'm not saying we shouldn't use all of the tools that are available to the states. Subscribe to the telephone-monitoring apps. Set restrictions and parental controls. All, yes!

But the solution and get-go line of defense is: open up communication. It'southward about having healthy, on-the-go conversations almost everyday questions our kids struggle with. Real bug in real fourth dimension.

Yous can filibuster the phone, simply you cannot delay the conversations.

An Opportunity to Teach Open Advice

So, how exercise we talk with our footling kids without overexposing them? Let me give you an example by discussing a new issue we have to parent: nudes.

Our kids are growing up in a unlike world. Everything is snapped, posted and shared. Kids are now walking into bathrooms, locker rooms, dressing rooms, every "condom" infinite with a photographic camera in their back pocket. Photos can be taken in locker rooms and posted to social media where in that location could accidentally be another undressed educatee in the background.

Parents have shared stories with me about 8th-grade girls saying, "If you haven't been asked for a nude by now, you're kinda lame."

Our globe is telling our baby girls that they should want to be asked for a nude because it validates their beauty, popularity, and desirability.

When our kids become manipulated into sharing nudes, I as well desire yous to retrieve about this. When we were growing up, pornography was a pin-upward supermodel you'd never run into. At present, it's likewise the kid sitting next to you in course. Tin can you imagine what that is doing to our kids' brains?

How tin can we preclude our kids from sharing nudes? It starts when they are lilliputian.

Call up about your preschooler barging into the bathroom with a diaper on, sippy cup in one manus, and your phone (or a tablet) in the other. He comes in shouting, "Mommy! Mommy!" because y'all become no privacy always with a toddler, right?

Every bit parents, we oftentimes miss this teachable moment with our young children. But now that we know nude photos are an outcome, we can employ moments similar this to institute seeds.

Instead of overreacting to the bathroom incident or ignoring it altogether, you tin can use information technology as a teachable moment and calmly say to your child, "Did you know that phone takes pictures? Oh no! What if you accidentally took a picture of Mommy without clothes on? That would be awful! Nosotros never accept pictures of people without clothes on."

Planting a Seed

Y'all simply planted a seed with your preschooler for future conversations nearly nudes without exposing him to anything inappropriate for his historic period. Yous're being proactive, not reactive. You're non merely planting seeds, you're having preventive conversations and laying the groundwork for more detailed discussions every bit your child gets older.

Along with planting seeds, create articulate guidelines. This seems then simple, but we didn't abound upwards with anyone teaching us how to use technology so nosotros often miss this pace. Nosotros have a family unit guideline that no screens can exist taken in bathrooms or bedrooms. If you lot create this guideline when they are little, it will exist standard operating procedure when they get older.

Parenting the digital world is overwhelming. We want our children to have a simpler babyhood. When I found myself wishing to move to a deserted island, I had to decide to face what was happening and actively find a solution to aid my kids, instead of staying stuck in my frustration and anger. I establish promise in open communication. At present, I don't become to bed at night worrying about what my kids will be exposed to. I go to sleep knowing that no matter what my kids meet online, hear on the playground or charabanc . . . they will come home and ask me. That has been so freeing!

Instead of beingness overwhelmed, spend that time pouring in and building a healthy relationship with your child. Look for teachable moments, found seeds early, and set up guidelines. I hope you'll be empowered, equally I've been, when y'all run across open communication really does keep our kids safe!

Learn More than well-nigh nextTalk on Charter Moms Chats

Scout Mandy Majors of nextTalk speak with Inga Cotton on Lease Moms Chats on Tuesday, May 18, 2022 at 2:00 PM Primal on Facebook and YouTube.

Mandy Majors is the author of ii application-winning books, Keeping Kids Safe in a Digital World: A Solution That Works and TALK: A Practical Approach to Cyberparenting and Open Communication; this web log postal service is based in role on the communication in these books. She is a graduate of Indiana University and founder of nextTalk, a nonprofit organization keeping kids safe online by creating a culture of chat in families, churches, and schools. She's been married to her all-time friend, Matt, for twenty-i years, and together they're raising two teens in Texas. You tin connect with Mandy on Facebook at mandymajors.author, on Twitter @mandymajors, and on the web at mandymajors.com and nextTalk.org.

Mandy Majors NextTalk digital parenting open communication

Read More than Virtually Digital Parenting

  • "Family unit Self-Intendance Plan," Erica Martinez,San Antonio Charter Moms, March 19, 2021
  • "Fighting Cyberbullying in the Age of Altitude Learning,"San Antonio Charter Moms, September 23, 2020
  • "What Happened to Sleep Schedules?", Emily Daniels and Lindsay Durham, San Antonio Lease Moms, July 27, 2020
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  • "The New Digital Parenting: Connections Over Conflict," Emily Daniels and Lindsay Durham, San Antonio Charter Moms, July 9, 2020